24 weeks and Im a Drama Illama!

Where to start...?

I haven't written in a bit as it got a bit emotionally draining for a while.  

Eldest son is being sorted, its looking positive for now.


I am 24 weeks as of yesterday.  But its not been smooth..well the pregnancy has but everything else..sheeeeeesh, add the 'S' word to anything and it just seems to cause confusion and trouble...far out, I was getting so angry, confused and upset..

Ok..I have given birth 4 times...the last 3 were fast, easy and with no drugs or intervention..so you think the 5 would be simple right? Hmmmm, well sure it would be but it has the word "Surrogacy" attached..OMFG!!!!! Someone get me some gas now to deal with people!!!!!

Started off as I had to rearrange my midwife appointment as my girl decided to whelp and I was delivering them and wasn't going to leave...'my' Midwife says, "oh it doesn't matter you've been shifted to Specialist Midwifery Care".  Wait.  What?  No one told me!?  I ask "whhhhyyy?" 
"Um er, um...oh your on anti-depressants, are 35 and have asthma issues..oh and your a surrogate.."
Silence.
Wait.  What?

Did ANYONE look at my records from previous births/pregnancies???  Yes, I had asthma, yes I've always been on Anti-depressants - I am a chemical depressive, so I treat my depression as a Diabetic treats Diabetes. I take my meds, I am ok.
 

Seems my hopes of having an intervention free birth in a calm environment were slipping out of reach.  You see people, the way I see it is THE BIRTH is what I get to take home...take that away from me and what am I left with, shit memories...which should be beautiful.

Got off phone blubbering, emotional wreck, rang IM..she was horrified too!

The I left it.  I had too.  Sometimes I just close off and have to stop processing things until I feel ready to deal with them.  
Hubby was wonderful as he knows how important it is I get the birth I want, once again, poor fella <3

Fast forward to this week..
A Midwife Helen rings to see why I wasn't at an appointment...erm, what appointment?  Seems I had been lost in translation and no one had actually told me!
So I began to have a long chat to her, and was pleasantly surprised.  She was lovely, and explained things to me about Specialist Midwifery.  (Seems in my case it was so we could schedule extra appointments, longer appointments etc, not because of my 'conditions'  
Today I had my OB appointment, Midwife Kate was attending too...sooo relieved.  OB was lovely and unless my 'conditions' play up I wont have to see her again, although she's actually one OB I think would be pretty cool...(whoa, did I really say that?!)
Midwife Kate was also awesome and if the other two attached to SMC are the same it will be totally cool.  I am feeling so RELIEVED for sure!  We also had a meeting with the Social Worker for the Hospital..that my friends is another page I think...I get so mentally fatigued by it all sometimes....the short of it all, she is lovely but there is only so much she can do..

Baby Skippy is getting more vigorous, and measuring well.  Heartbeat great.  The OB did book me into growth ultrasounds at 28 and 34/6 weeks to watch babies growth.

She still seems to be a night owl and I find myself reading/on computer at about 2am every few nights! lol!!

Interesting to write is that Ive been craving asian food like mad...Ive never really been interested in rice and noodles etc..but boy does Skippy say nom nom nom now!!

After appointment yesterday IPs, I and Miss 3 went for Yum Cha, mmmmmmm :)  (I made more mess then the 3 year old!)

I have also taught IPs how to buy second hand, near new baby stuff! (ie source what you are after, note name and product number and then go ebay or gumtree it!! 9/10 someone has had only one baby and ready to sell! ;) )  They have got some super cute clothes and an awesome pram already :)

My eldest...

My eldest breaks my heart.  

Finally got him into a child Psychologist today.  Hopefully this will help him.  After my obligatory parent 20 mins for the first session to explain why we were here and what was happening, he went in.  

And you know what?  He came out...HAPPY...that made me happy.  I am hoping he can get some of his worries of his chest and start to feel like a kid again, happy, carefree etc..  To be 11 and be so emotionally distressed is not good and it breaks my heart to see it.

This has been such a long term thing...Grade 1, I have been back and forth between GPs, Specialist, dietitians, Ear/eye Drs, teachers, Royal Children's Hospital Behaviour Clinic and I really think this is my last port of call.  

I want him to be happy. 
I want him to enjoy school.
I want him to be an active part of our family.

Unfortunately he inherited my crappy genetics.  (Hence why I would never donate eggs or do a traditional surrogacy)  Ok 1/4 kids to inherit is not bad statistic, but to watch my child suffer because its in his genes...no.

Anyhoo, enough about B...

Skippy is getting bigger, Tummy is getting bigger and I feel her more and more now.  I even felt her by putting my hand on my tummy tonight and got a little poke :) 

Nawww, cant wait until they are stronger and IM and IF can feel them too :)

20 WEEKS!!!! WHOO HOO!!! HALFWAY!

Sooooo Amazing today!!

Today was our 20 week ultrasound!!!

Here is Baby Skippy!  Isnt she gorgeous, and so like her Daddy :)

My appointment was for 9 so the school kids were booked in for morning school care.  But guess what?!  First morning EVER and all three decide they want to sleep in!!! WTH??!!  I had to switch on lights and whip off doonas to get them to start to move, even Miss 3 told me to "Pull my cover up Mummy!"

Mmmm...I told them if they didn't start moving I would pour a cold cup over water over them, cause I'm a super mum (:o)

Kids dropped off and we headed up to the Angliss for our appointment where we awaited John (IF).  Poor IMs condition has flared up and she is prostrate on her couch in pain so was unable to make it :(  Very sad as this was a big day.

Walked into the Ultrasound room and said...ok this is baby daddy, but hes not my husband...paused and waited for the confused look, then laughed and explained...Tee hee!

Ultrasound went awesome.  Everything was were it should be, measuring fantastically and nothing abnormal. One beautiful healthy baby girl.  Lovely 2D and 4D photos, just amazing.  I spent quite a bit of time just watching Daddy watch his baby girl on the screen.  I was very humbled.  This is something they have been waiting for for 15 years...I cant imagine it.

After a good 40 mins we headed off to brunch and then Babies R Us and I explained a lot of baby items and what are essentials and what are mostly fads :) 

Then I went home and Ayla and I both had a nap...sooo tired.

Afternoon saw John baby siting and school pickup while I visited the Respiratory specialist again.  More prescriptions..

Came home, Andrew bought home Fish n Chips for kids and made me a Cesar again :)  

What a day, Busy, Amazing and Wonderful :)

Crap blogger award..slack so slack

Wow, I am so slack.  Actually I hate writing on my laptop so wait until I am on my home computer which isn't very often these days!

We had our appointment at the Angliss..with what seemed like everyman and his dog..ok I lie, but there were a few people there.  Head OB, Head Midwife, Social Worker, My assigned Midwife and someone and someone else...I got a bit busy entertaining Miss Ayla while everything was 'disscusssed'. 

To what purpose I am unsure of still...but there you go.


Then had our booking appointment straight after with my Midwife.  John hung out with Ayla in the lounge playing with the toys.  Then down to book 20 week Ultrasound through the hospital and more bloods.

Glad I'm not scared of needles..the amount Ive had I could be a watering can!

BABY HAS A NICKNAME!!!!!

So Miss Baby is now called "SKIPPY"

Yup, true!  Why:  John is Filipino American while Pam is a White Aussie...so in the USA there is a brand of peanut butter called "Skippy" and as (John explains) baby will be born with a lovely caramel complexion she has earned the nickname after a peanut butter~ could have been worse, ie KRAFT! LOL

Bub is kicking a bit more now, feeling very low still. Still keeping me up at night :/

An argument with an Ob/Gyn...

O...M...G..

So now my IM totally understands what I am talking about when Ive been saying I was worried about seeing a pushy Ob...

After eventually finding a carpark two blocks from the hospital where his office is, we slowly made our way there.  Slowly as most of the time I have this shuffle, keeping the top of my thighs together as I walk to minimise pelvis movement and pain.

We had our appointment and went in as the Dr called us.  First half of the meeting was pleasant.  We even checked baby on his mini ultrasound, all going well.  He referred me to an Asthma specialist (got in on Monday due to a cancellation :) ) and rewrote me another blood test up to check what my thyroid is doing.

Then came the questions about having him for delivery...

Me: So I have delivered 3 babies by myself, naturally.  How do you feel about this?

Dr:  Oh I will deliver baby

Me: (with hand motions) so..I can just reach down and gently pull baby up to my tummy like this...(show him)

Dr:  Mmm, do I can do that.

Me: But so can I, Ive proved it....

Dr: How about we BOTH do it?  Smiling like it was a wonderful suggestion.

WTF??  Um, no.  He said I could hire a birth pool..but my bet is if the above is the case, in the throws of transition I would be hauled out and placed either on the floor or bed so he could 'deliver baby 'safely'

Did I mention W..T...F???!!!

I shut up and got ready to leave and as we left my IM whispering to me said the same, WTF, LOL!!  I see what you mean now..no no no no...definitely not coming here!

So, I am very relieved.  I know P knows how I feel now and I also know she trusts me to be able to deliver her precious bundle safely.

I mean, where to Obs get off implying you cannot do what you have done before...no wonder there are so many interventions!  Sure if I had never delivered before myself etc, sure go for it.  

IM also rang Mitcham Private and out of 9 Ob/gyns there was only 1 (yes 1!) they could trust not to interfere and then kick up a stink if you told them back off!!  Crazy.  They also said I could labour in the bath but they would pull the plug when in transition...sigh.  Uh, people, that is my pain relief, why would you take it away now??  Oh yeah, 'hospital policy' 

So...we are still up in the air with no where to go..I'm guessing Mitcham will be it...

Le Sigh.

But really, don't piss me off when I'm in Labour...no really, just don't.

15 weeks and Amnio

Well once again I'm wide awake at 2.30am...so I thought id catch up because I'm such a slack arse at writing blogs.

So yesterday I was 15 weeks 3 days (according to the ultrasound).

My Amnio had rolled up and I had made myself pretty nervous (note to self: DO NOT GOOGLE)..  My dear hubby arrived while Pam, her mum and I were in the waiting room.  I'm so glad he could grab an hour off work to be there for me :)

My other kids were home with John (MIL and IF do not get on at all apparently, so it was a perfect situation) Boys had a curriculum day so were home as well, after finishing two weeks holiday.

Anyhoo....

The nurse/receptionist took me to the wee dressing room to get changed into that gorgeous gown that reminds me of an 80's pregnancy smock.  Then she bought Andrew in and showed us to a nice little private waiting room.  Andrew and I promptly fell asleep.

After our little nap (lol) we were shown into ultrasound room and the lovely tech explained that she would show Pam and her mum in, show them the baby and do all the checks, then show them out so it would just be me and Andrew for the procedure.  Fine with me.

Baby looked gorgeous.  Measured a day over what my dates were and everything came up looking great.  Pam cried, so I reached out and grabbed her hand.  She said, she has never got this far before so was a bit overwhelmed by it all.  Bless.

They were shown out after a nice 15 min.  Andrew then sat behind me and I held his hands as the procedure was done.  Baby behaved and stayed out of the way :)  

So it stung, I cramped a little, but I had scared myself stupid for nothing!  I did ask for a smiley bandaid..or a 'Dora"  but unfortunately was left with an ordinary brown one ;)

Off to the wee room again where I was given a pillow and blanket and I put my stinky feet up on Andrew and we snoozed again, before nurse/receptionist came and gave me my Anti-D shot in the arse. (I am B- blood type)

All felt good so out we went to meet Pam and MIL, booked the 20 week and went downstairs for a coffee.  (I had water..not a coffee fan..)  Here we once again discussed birthing options and Ob/gyn's...yes I still have no idea where this baby will be born.

By the way, its a GIRL! (pics to come)

Just want to add, I was on a real high as the evening before I had supported my gorgeous friend in her wonderful home birth.

2nd Trimester!!

So, According to the Ultrasound we are in the Second trimester now (12 weeks and 3 days) Whoo hoo!

Today we got these awesome pics of little peanut :)  There was a bit of a muck up as my referral hadn't been faxed through so we had to wait an extra hour and a bit before the actual ultrasound..which for 3 year old Ayla was a great trial...sigh...

But we went downstairs and had her nails painte..blue of all colours!

 

 

Everything looked great and Peanut even waved a little.  I think they (IPs) were amazed over the change in peanut and that he/she had a profile now and fingers and toes!   I love the fact that it looks like a real baby now and not shrimp. ;)

 

So the place just rang me and it looks like from my bloods and nucal screening test (from the ultrasound) we are cutting it fine for the Downs Syndrome (and Ive nothing against Downs babies/kids, they are gorgeous)

 

So apparently there is a new rather expensive test that is done out of the USA which can give you results that are 99% accurate and avoid the risk of doing an amniocentesis.  I'm pretty sure my IM will have me do this test (bloods)  waiting to hear from her for when..

 

We are finally getting around to looking at hospitals next week.  Really slow off the mark...lol

 

So a few weeks ago my right hip started really hurting getting worse and worse every day..couldn't bear it any longer so booked into the Chiropractor.  I was correct in guessing the SPD was coming back..I now have a support that literally binds my pelvis together!  Ohh and the dreaded clicking is back now too...

 

Otherwise all is well and fine in Surrobubba and Tummy Mummy land!!

9 weeks

9 weeks..I think?

I think I'm becoming really blasé about being pregnant...after all it is my 5th pregnancy.  

I don't know what it is...we have a appointment with P's GP on the 12th for more blood tests and to find a OBGYN and hospital to have baby at.  To be honest I don't really care who the OBGYN is, as long as they leave me alone and don't drive me crazy during Labour.  I saw Midwives only for all of my pregnancies, so you cant tell me to have an OB is better...

Whatever floats my dear IMs boat.  It is mainly for her information and to put her at ease.  Blood pressure - check, funds height - check, well being - check, heartbeat - check...pretty boring stuff.  I don't anticipate anything unusual to happen over the course of the next 6 months, so hopefully the OBGYN will be friendly, smile lots and say, great off you go, have a super day!

Theres one thing I do know quite well and that is my own body.  I will know if anything 'feels' slightly off and then people can worry.  Theres one thing I hate and that's people that make things problems that are not!! (because then it usually becomes a BIG problem)  

Until I meet a OB that suits me I wont settle...and that's one thing I am sticking too..after all its me that has to push out the watermelon out!

HORMONES:

Oh the joys of pregnancy playing havoc with your hormones..

My lovely little hormonal pregnancy trick is to add frequent migraines to my system..which of course you cannot knock out with a crapload of fun drugs to get rid of the thing.  Auras, numbness, blindness, nausea, you name it...come on 12 weeks! (this is something I had with all pregnancies)

Mood swings...call me Jekyll and Hyde....agghhh  

Naptime...love my naptime.."AYLA GO TO SLEEP!!"  At least she still loves her naptime too :)

Its interesting though, the more I progress with this pregnancy, the more I look around me when Im out with Ayla.  I am constantly thinking "theres no WAY I could have another baby now, Im too tired!"  its funny how your biological clock actually does stop ticking!

Insert Roll Eyes here.....

..and another reason why I don't bother with baby forums...people are so darn sensitive and take anything said the wrong way..omg...guess I should not state pure fact next time cause people get their knickers in a wad.  Sorry but "baby bumps" at this stage are not "baby" they are fat, gas and bloating...and the baby has not yet even RISEN into the abdomen part of the Uterus at 5 weeks.   Ok, sometimes I forget a lot of these are first/second time mums and its all so very exciting, but I am just  a blunt person, my bad.  Whateves..

Feeling very average.

Hubby working all hours so barely see him.  Kids taking advantage of me feeling ill.  Oldest playing up in school.  Youngest has become more demanding if thats even possible.  Finding it hard to function on a normal level right now.  Feeling frustrated, annoyed, sick, tired and pissed off with everyone.

Guess Im somewhere around 8 weeks, don't care at the moment.  

On nice note Pam and John bought around a casserole which was lovely on the weekend.  

Sorry for the grumpy post, but Im sure there will be more to come.

Not taking grooming clients anymore, its too much with my lot to keep on top of too.  Too tired.

Oh and also I still need to figure out how to put photos on my Mac and onto here...sigh.

Genea IVF World First?

Dating scan tomorrow!!  Sorry for the lax updating...but really there has been nothing to update! lol 

So it looks like this lucky embryo embryo #9 was part of the guinea pig trial by Genea as to the solution they use to soak the little embryos.  IM rang me and was telling me all about it and said she didn't think much off it until she saw the article!

http://bigpondnews.com/articles/Health/2013/02/10/IVF_breakthrough_boosts_pregnency_chance_844213.html

Feeling much more off now...smells putting me right off and a constant ill feeling.  Joy.  It actually feels very similar to my last pregnancy.  My joints have all loosened too and my hips are already playing up a bit, so will have to watch that a bit in things that I do.  I suffered from Symphysis Pubis Dysfunction with my last...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Symphysis_pubis_dysfunction  

I actually didnt think Id have to worry about it this early on though, mmmm..oh well.  

I had to remind IM that it was IF baby too and he should be at the ultrasound when she suggested that he could mind my kids while we went, lol!!  Cant wait to see their faces!

Progesterone is nasty

So my body today is cramping a bit more then usual.  I am not sure what I am feeling.  I am so nervous that my body will reject the embryo.  This is so different from my natural pregnancies, so I don't really know what to expect.  I can totally relate to what other IVFers say about overlooking for symptoms and misreading progesterone overload!  Sore boobs, Cramps, eating more and wanting to snooze. 

The sleeping, omg, I cannot believe how I can fall asleep at a drop of a hat right now!  I am so so tired all the time...pregnancy or progesterone?! 

As to Progesterone...dat some nasty s**t....ok, I was bitchy before but now I seem to have mastered PROGESTERAGE!!!!  Poor DH suffers in silence on a daily basis and my FB should be deleted!

How I feel today: Nervous, tired

Making a baby

Thought I should break it up a bit.

So we have a lovely breakfast at a gorgeous cafe and wait for our appointment time...taxi was so stinky!!  I had to keep my window open...pooooo cigarette...stale cigarette....mmm everyone wants to smell that on the ride from the airport.

We went up to the level where transfers were done.  I was still wondering if we would get the to tell us so thing that would devastate us both...guess I was cautiously optimistic :)

Name was called, paperwork refilled in and we were shown to a room where we both gowned up...oh and put wee paper booties over our shoes.

I think the hardest part is all the waiting!  Finally we were shown into another room with a recliner,chair  and a hospitals table with a box of tissues on it....so here's me joking that they just flip back the chair, insert and wipe...at least it distracted dear IM as she is a worry wart/stress head (said in the most affectionate way!!). Waiting, waiting...I pulled out the recliner and dozed until the embryologist came in to chat about the embryo.  Grade 2!  Looks great :)

Finally dear Devora (Dr Liberman) came to collect us and we all strolled down to the theatre thingy.  Up I hope on the "very comfy" table with stirrups and while Dr is fiddling with her tools and getting my bottom half ready, IM and I are oohing and ahhhing over the LCD screen with the embryo floating around in space on it...I instructed IM to get out my phone and take pics as I know she will treasure them later and also I was so fascinated!

Small pinch, and the feeling all woman just adore, cold steel sliding into your nether regions!  I watched the ultrasound screen to my left while trying to ignore the want being pressed upon my overfill and bursting bladder...

Amazing stuff watching g that little embryo shoot up into its wee resting place, so so amazing!

So here we are at the 2WW!

Back again with GREAT NEWS!

Sooooo..to catch up...

I think my Thyroid has settled.

Both IM and I flew up to Sydney in Novemember for first cycle. (Bloods and follicle tracking ultrasounds done down here). We arrived at Genea very nervous and excited. Unfortunately we were taken into a small room to be told by the embryologist that there was only one wee embryo survived that was even worth THINKING about implanting. It was still behind in developing so my IM decided not to have it transferred and we spent the rest of the day quite down waiting for out flight back t Melbourne. Turns out it was the correct thing to to , as the next day the embry stopped progressing all together.

We did however have a lovely YUm Cha lunch and spent the afternoon chatting and planning strategies for take two!

My next cycle was to fall on Christmas Day, typical. Good ole iPhone app telling me all I need to know - go Period Tracker! Lol! So we decided not to proceed for this cycle.

Fast forward to January...

Bloods taken, follicle tracking done and we were ready again. There were only 4 embryos left, so the embryologists told us she would check them first thing in the morning an give a call to let us know if they made it... The first two rolled over earlier in the week so we had TWO left...we boarded the lane at 6.30am and left out phones on till the last second.

Landing, taxing to the gate we both switched on ur phones..I had two calls, but IM had THE text!!!!! One had survived!! Lucky number 9 embryo!!!! We were so excited and just wanted to get off the plane! It was my IM 50th birthday too :)Wow! It's been a while... Guess I lost heart there for a while..I am not a great blogger at the best of times!

ok done that..finaly

So yesterday I finally got my bloods done for Genea..I had to take all three kids as I needed to get them done! They were actually pretty good. Ayla sat on my lap watching video of herself on my iphone, Bailey was on my Ipad playing 'Minecraft' (I personally don't get the fun in this game, but then again i am getting old when it comes to technology,lol) Teig got to sit on the big spinning chair..I had bribed him with the making of slime when we got home so he sat as still as a statue!! lol! (..and yes, we made the slime..ugh)

The blood nurse was a little surprised at what had to be drawn and I think she was relieved I was an easy person to get blood from! lol So now we wait...again...

I did speak to P on the way there (bluetooth headphones ;P) and said I wasn't sure if we would get anywhere because of the whole thyroid issue. I had told her previously I was prescribe meds, but I hadn't taken them yet.

She is actually booking me in the see and endricologist, so if it needs to get sorted it will properly..I'm a bit annoyed at myself for my body being a Pain in The Bum, right now...

Corbin - Gave up for Adoption in 1999

ok so thought Id write a bit about my first trip to providing a gorgeous family with a wee bundle of love..my DH is watching Top Gear in India as I type this so every now and then his laughing will probably distract me from making sense!

So I was 21, yes not a teen so I know many people will ask "why didn't you keep him?" (he is now 11 so its beside the point that I feel terribly old right now!) Well, I as soon as I knew I was pregnant I knew I was in not position for a baby...here is where I wont go into too much detail as it would take the whole blog! I was raised in a secure two parented family, I wanted that for my baby too.

Pregnancy was uneventful and easy and I ended up being induced at 41 weeks. Crap. It was crap and horrible. My mum and best friend were there. Even though all went smoothly with the birth (bar a retained placenta) I was there for 4 days in a private room. I saw councillors through the hospital before and after the birth and had a very supportive family. Baby Corbin spent most of his time in with me, but at night was taken to the nursery, which I visited when I couldn't sleep and shed many a tear watching him and cuddling him.

Sure I did waver once or twice, (damn hormones) but I knew he had a better family out there waiting for him, that could give him all and more that I wanted a child.  I still remember driving away with my dad crying as he drove - THAT broke my already fragile heart.

Ok the law in Victoria is OPEN ADOPTION. In 1999, there where approx 30 babies withing the WHOLE of Australia up for adoption, crap eh? I bet that number is almost 0 now. It was law for Corbin to spend 6 weeks in the care of a foster mother, as a cooling off period. Here enters Di Harrison. What a woman! You know I dropped in on her a few weeks ago to catch up, shes still fostering kids! Di was my sounding board, my sympathetic ear and my joke machine to make me laugh. She got Corbin in a fantastic routine and taught me how to feed, bath and put him to bed. I visited pretty much every day he was there, apart from when I got crippling migraines from the stress.

No I never nearly changed my mind, I just enjoyed him :) I used to get angry that he couldn't be in the arms of his new parents right this second!

So, the day came and I signed my documents in a court chamber in front of a judge. Yes I cried.

I had to pick a family from three profiles. Gosh that was hard, awful. I kept saying I wish I had of had triplets and could help them all....I remember picking K and K because "they had a dog and loved animals" and their happy, chilled out relaxed photo.

The day I met them in the counselling room. OMG, I cannot begin to explain how emotionally charged that room was, to have someone race over and hug you with tears of gratitude, give you goose flesh. That amazing feeling can never be replaced and I hope to feel that again at the end of my surrogacy.

so there you go...have scanned and added some photos, I have ten zillion or so..

So when people ask me, "can you give up a baby?" Well, yes...yes I can..