Making a baby

Thought I should break it up a bit.

So we have a lovely breakfast at a gorgeous cafe and wait for our appointment time...taxi was so stinky!!  I had to keep my window open...pooooo cigarette...stale cigarette....mmm everyone wants to smell that on the ride from the airport.

We went up to the level where transfers were done.  I was still wondering if we would get the to tell us so thing that would devastate us both...guess I was cautiously optimistic :)

Name was called, paperwork refilled in and we were shown to a room where we both gowned up...oh and put wee paper booties over our shoes.

I think the hardest part is all the waiting!  Finally we were shown into another room with a recliner,chair  and a hospitals table with a box of tissues on it....so here's me joking that they just flip back the chair, insert and wipe...at least it distracted dear IM as she is a worry wart/stress head (said in the most affectionate way!!). Waiting, waiting...I pulled out the recliner and dozed until the embryologist came in to chat about the embryo.  Grade 2!  Looks great :)

Finally dear Devora (Dr Liberman) came to collect us and we all strolled down to the theatre thingy.  Up I hope on the "very comfy" table with stirrups and while Dr is fiddling with her tools and getting my bottom half ready, IM and I are oohing and ahhhing over the LCD screen with the embryo floating around in space on it...I instructed IM to get out my phone and take pics as I know she will treasure them later and also I was so fascinated!

Small pinch, and the feeling all woman just adore, cold steel sliding into your nether regions!  I watched the ultrasound screen to my left while trying to ignore the want being pressed upon my overfill and bursting bladder...

Amazing stuff watching g that little embryo shoot up into its wee resting place, so so amazing!

So here we are at the 2WW!

Corbin - Gave up for Adoption in 1999

ok so thought Id write a bit about my first trip to providing a gorgeous family with a wee bundle of love..my DH is watching Top Gear in India as I type this so every now and then his laughing will probably distract me from making sense!

So I was 21, yes not a teen so I know many people will ask "why didn't you keep him?" (he is now 11 so its beside the point that I feel terribly old right now!) Well, I as soon as I knew I was pregnant I knew I was in not position for a baby...here is where I wont go into too much detail as it would take the whole blog! I was raised in a secure two parented family, I wanted that for my baby too.

Pregnancy was uneventful and easy and I ended up being induced at 41 weeks. Crap. It was crap and horrible. My mum and best friend were there. Even though all went smoothly with the birth (bar a retained placenta) I was there for 4 days in a private room. I saw councillors through the hospital before and after the birth and had a very supportive family. Baby Corbin spent most of his time in with me, but at night was taken to the nursery, which I visited when I couldn't sleep and shed many a tear watching him and cuddling him.

Sure I did waver once or twice, (damn hormones) but I knew he had a better family out there waiting for him, that could give him all and more that I wanted a child.  I still remember driving away with my dad crying as he drove - THAT broke my already fragile heart.

Ok the law in Victoria is OPEN ADOPTION. In 1999, there where approx 30 babies withing the WHOLE of Australia up for adoption, crap eh? I bet that number is almost 0 now. It was law for Corbin to spend 6 weeks in the care of a foster mother, as a cooling off period. Here enters Di Harrison. What a woman! You know I dropped in on her a few weeks ago to catch up, shes still fostering kids! Di was my sounding board, my sympathetic ear and my joke machine to make me laugh. She got Corbin in a fantastic routine and taught me how to feed, bath and put him to bed. I visited pretty much every day he was there, apart from when I got crippling migraines from the stress.

No I never nearly changed my mind, I just enjoyed him :) I used to get angry that he couldn't be in the arms of his new parents right this second!

So, the day came and I signed my documents in a court chamber in front of a judge. Yes I cried.

I had to pick a family from three profiles. Gosh that was hard, awful. I kept saying I wish I had of had triplets and could help them all....I remember picking K and K because "they had a dog and loved animals" and their happy, chilled out relaxed photo.

The day I met them in the counselling room. OMG, I cannot begin to explain how emotionally charged that room was, to have someone race over and hug you with tears of gratitude, give you goose flesh. That amazing feeling can never be replaced and I hope to feel that again at the end of my surrogacy.

so there you go...have scanned and added some photos, I have ten zillion or so..

So when people ask me, "can you give up a baby?" Well, yes...yes I can..